Now Hiring
Shveitzburne is growing. A few positions remain open. All unpaid, all prestigious.
A note from HR: these are full-time roles and should not be taken lightly. We would love to offer part-time, but due to high demand we can only offer full-time at the moment.
Pickle Taster
Sample each jar at regular intervals for quality assurance. Must have strong opinions about the dill to garlic ratio.
Frog Population Census Taker
Conduct a nightly headcount of the pool's frog residents. Reports directly to the Mayor.
Granola Quality Control
Ensure proper chocolate chip distribution across all trays. Taste testing required, not optional.
Fire Marshal, Rotisserie Division
Keep the flame steady from first spark to last bite. Previous lamb experience a plus.
Head of Squirrel Relations
Maintain diplomatic ties with the morning breakfast regulars. Some travel (across the lawn) required.
Wood Gatherer
Locate, lift, and relocate logs of unreasonable size. Strong individuals only; passing Israeli teenagers may assist but cannot be scheduled.
Birdwatcher
Monitor the new tenants nesting above the east entrance and report all hatchings to management. Binoculars provided, discretion expected.
Woodchuck Peace Envoy
Mediate the ongoing standoff between the front patio and back patio bungalow colonies. Fluency in woodchuck a plus, patience mandatory.
Director of Applesauce Operations
Take our newly discovered apple tree from a single trunk to a full-scale applesauce empire. Must think in jars.
Apply
No experience necessary, enthusiasm mandatory.